I'm Going To Get You, Christopher W. Murphy ... Someday, Somehow, Somewhere, I'm Going To Get You!

Dude, you almost made me cry at work!

Explanatory note: In what I assume was intended as a thoughtful gesture, the aforementioned CWM sent me the following today, probably meant to express sympathy at the plight of my aging and feeble dog:


Have you a dog in Heaven, Lord?
And do you pat his head?
Does he sit up and beg each night
Before he goes to bed?

Does he look up with soulful eyes
When he sees your smiling face?
Does he wag his feathered tail
When he wants to run a race?

Do you have a dog in Heaven, Lord?
Is there room for just one more?
My faithful dog died today,
He'll be waiting at your door.

Please take him into Heaven, Lord,
And keep him there for me.
Just feed him, pet him, love him, Lord,
That's all he'll ask of thee.

- Anonymous

The problem is, I've gotten weepier as I've gotten older. In my 20's, I cried at nothing. Unless I got really angry. Then I cried. Which made me angrier. So I cried harder, which made me angrier, which made me cry ... you get the picture. The net result was that I very rarely get angry any more. But in the last 5 years, I've started tearing up at the dumbest things. Funerals and weddings, OK, that's socially acceptable. But maudlin birthday cards, touch-feely emails, sappy movies ... things I would have sneered at in my youth now make me tear up. It's really pathetic.

So anyhow, I didn't even make it through the second verse today. I still can't read the whole thing start to finish without getting all sucky and emotional. You've destroyed my stoic facade, Christopher W. Murphy, and you must PAY!!!

PS. Thanks, by the way. He's doing just fine again (well, as fine as a 15-year old, senile, deaf, arthritic, deranged border collie can be) and will probably keep chugging along for another 5 years, just to be perverse.