Stall Selection

Wherein I reveal how deeply weird I really am. Anyone desirous of retaining even the smallest amount of respect for my intelligence and sanity should leave now.


Go on now, shoo!

Ok then, you've been warned ...

For as long as I've worked in an office where the washroom has more than one stall, I've made my choice of toilets based on a strategy designed to minimize the likelihood that I will be assassinated1. I've built my strategy around the following assumptions:

1. Said assassin will want to minimize the possibility of witnesses, so will need a hidden position and an opportunity to make the attempt while I am alone. The washroom at work, in my opinion, provides the greatest chance of success.
2. Said assassin can only cover one stall at a time2.

In my current office, there are 3 stalls. I generally prefer the one closest to the door, but I try to inject as high a level of randomness as possible in my selections throughout the day, to avoid forming a noticeable pattern, thus minimizing the likelihood of a successful hit. And I've done a pretty good job of it, if I do say so myself.

Until today, when I realized that in order to foil my carefully planned manoeuvres, all a would-be killer would have to do is put something icky in 2 of the 3 toilets, and target the third.

If you don't hear from me again, you'll know why. Don't say I didn't warn you.


1. Why would anyone want to assassinate me, you ask? Well, that's hardly the point now, is it? I mean, if I knew why they wanted to assassinate me, I could possibly do something about the situation, thus rendering moot the question of where to pee.

2. Because if he can cover all of them at once, then I'm dead no matter what I choose and there's no point in having a strategy at all, is there?