My Life as a sxKitten

According to the ever-handy Dictionary.com, a sex kitten is "a young woman considered to have sex appeal." The name started out as an in-joke on Himself's blog, because I'm neither young nor kittenish - at least not what I consider kittenish: cute, cuddly, helpless, dependent. Nor do I think of myself as, or try to be, particularly sexy - Angelina Jolie is sexy, or Charlize Theron, or Shakira - although I will admit that men my age (and older, never younger) often respond to me in ways that indicate I might be underestimating my appeal. Nothing blatant, but I am not immune to the occasional compliment or admiring glance. Still, it's not something I've ever relied on, or tried to use to my advantage.

It's also mildly ironic, as I came to enjoy sex quite late in life - I was over 30 when I met Himself, who introduced me to truly mind-blowing sex. Until then, it was something I did for my partner, not for pleasure. For pleasure, I'd take a massage or foot rub any day. I was pretty good at faking it, I believe - no one ever called me on it, anyhow. But no more - I don't know what the difference is, although I suspect that trust and honesty have a lot to do with it, plus a massive dash of chemistry (something I never believed in until the first time Himself touched me). He taught me to enjoy my body, to be, to (probably mis-)quote John Hawkes, "a woman feeling good in her skin".

I love that he thinks of me as his sxKitten when no one else sees me that way. He makes it safe to need him, to let my guard down, to want to be held and comforted and caressed, something I could never accept from anyone else. And letting my weaknesses show to him has, paradoxically, made me a stronger person, more sure of myself, able to bring more to our relationship.

So I wear my name with pride, because I have found the man who understands who I really am, who brings out the best in me, who thinks I'm small and cute and vulnerable but also loves that I'm strong and independent and rational ... and finds everything about me sexy and desirable.